Member-only story
About welcoming exhaustion
It offers incredible wisdom and discernment
It may sound strange, but for me, exhaustion is welcome.
Years ago I had a job with a 90-minute commute each way. Getting there was never the issue; it was the return trip. I knew that when I finally pulled up in front of the house, two little girls would be waiting for me. They wanted my full attention; they wanted all of me. There was dinner to fix and dishes to wash and laundry to do and stories to read. On top of it all, my husband unintentionally expected me to read his mood, respond appropriately, and meet every need. (I’m tired just remembering this!)
Anyway — the closer I got to home, the more weary I felt — the exact opposite of what I wanted and needed. I began to realize that with every passing mile, I became less myself and more the person I needed to be for him. Bottom line: there was a huge-and-growing gap between who I really was and who he wanted me to be; and to be clear, I allowed, perpetuated, even reinforced this for a very long time. That was the exhaustion! Not the drive or the girls or the dinner-prep. I expended a massive amount of energy being someone I was not so that I didn’t have to deal with my fear of what would happen if I was fully myself.
My exhaustion became a form of discernment. It drew me toward what deserved my…
